I'm probably the wrong person to ask about this. I mean, shit, I've never had a lasting relationship. Usually I get bored of guys real quick but mostly it's because they're a bunch of fucking losers who only want thing. The one thing I'm cool with. I'm not gonna call myself a slut or anything but it's not like I'm a saint either. Get some, get gone- that's always been my motto. I don't really see anything wrong with it either.

I've never actually seen a lasting relationship. Yeah, B's still whipped for Soul Boy and there's a wicked vice to that versa but it ain't like that's happening anytime ever. It's not exactly what I'd call a lasting relationship. My mom had a few boyfriends stick around for awhile but they were always using her for money or drugs or whatever.

So here's my answer. What is the key to a lasting relationship?

Don't have one.

It radiates through every bone in her body, every fiber in being sings with it. He's the only place she's ever felt safe and now she doesn't even have that. So many times he's reached his hand out to save her and in this one moment, this time when she can chase the shadows from the dark corners of his mind, she doesn't. It's tawdry, adolescent even but Faith is only a teenager and jealousy is a powerful, evocative emotion.

There are just so many of them. Not just one Andra, but at least five or six pretty redheads inhabiting his apartment, co-existing with him like whispers of the past, clinging to every fabric in the apartment he was sharing with Graeme. They all tilted their heads the same way, played with one tendril of soft hair, chided Kenny's behavior the way a loved one might cheerfully dissuade you from slouching or putting your elbows on the dinner table. Even his ghosts, his apparitions seem to believe he is too far gone.

She can hear their mocking voices. Not Andra's, but her own spirits, haunting her daily life. Not smart enough. Not pretty enough. Not strong enough. Not. Good. Enough. Second best.

Faith has been replaced by many things, most notably the many men that had warmed her mother's bed over the years but she's never been replaced by a figment of imagination before, someone who doesn't even exist anymore. She can still feel Alex's warm eyes burning holes through her like a silent warning.

It's not the coke, although God knows there's enough of it just laying around, divided into two small lines on the coffee table in the living room and then scattered as if someone had sneezed just overhead. Drugs are demons, chomping at your heels while you run for your life. Faith's never been addicted to drugs but she's seen what the struggle of addiction has done to her mother before her death.

She can see the shadow of shame pass over his face, she can hear the muted apology that falls from his lips, like the promises he's made her. They don't mean much to her anymore. She can reach out a hand, take him, shake him out of this pretend world he'd created for himself but she can't. The only thing Faith can think is it's happening again.

It's happening again.

She's been replaced by something else. She's believed in promises that were meant to be broken. She can almost see the way her mother's hips move as she solicits men the way Girl Scouts might sell cookies. It's passionless and stale. It doesn't mean anything.

This is wrong.

You've living in the past.

These are just memories.

She's dead.

Dead.

You need to move on.

Faith doesn't say any of these things. Her mind moves in such a way that for a moment she almost thinks she has before she realizes she has done nothing but stand in the doorway of his bedroom, watching another woman move her fingers, her hands down the length of his naked chest.

Faith can still feel the way his body moved against hers, the way her tears stained the pillowcase the night her mother died. She'd given Kenny a piece of herself that she'd never given anyone else.

That she would never give anyone else again.

Kenny holds Andra so gently, cradles her to his chest in a way that suggests he has found his only love and he's never going to move past her. Why should he when he can recreate her anyway that he wants her?

In twenty four hours time Faith has lost her watcher and killed Kakistos. She's boarded a bus and headed for a destination still unknown to her and for a destiny that's done nothing but push her face in the dirt, waiting for her to crawl on her hands and knees, gasping for air. She has a million more miles to fall before she hits rock bottom but through it all she'll keep her prison bunk warm with the memory of a time when someone cared about what time she came home at night and a boy she could have loved.

If only she could have saved him.

Associate with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for it is better to be alone than in bad company.- George Washington

I guess the kids I went to high school with paid a lot more attention in history class than I ever. Not exactly surprising when you consider the fact that I'm a high school dropout and they probably all graduated and went on to college or whatever it is that normal people do.

Old Georgie had one thing right. It's way better to be on your own than it is to hang out with a bunch of assholes. I've done both and no matter how lonely I ever got? I never missed the bad people in my life. Kinda the way that my classmates probably never missed me when I left school. I never really got along much with them and usually I was only getting into trouble all of the time. I saw the inside of the Principal's office more than any other kid at Southie High. Usually I was fighting or something but it wasn't like I was gonna let anyone push me or Gracie or Tommy around.

When it all comes right down to it, back then I wasn't trying to strike out all on my own. Somehow my classmates just knew that I was the one who was bad news and it was better to stay away from me. Those were the smart ones, the dumb ones were always trying to kick my ass.

When I became a slayer I used to have these stupid daydreams. Like I'd run into one of them getting attacked by a vamp and afterwards they'd cry and tell me they were wrong about me and that I really was a good person. I don't think much about that stuff anymore but I'm not exactly seventeen anymore either.

Besides, in some ways they were kind of right. I did end up in prison. Wonder if I'll be invited to the reunion.

Lena wasn't a good person and she was an even worse mom.

I just wanna get that out of the way. It's not like I don't know. No matter what I say or do I know. Trust me, I know. For most of my life she was totally absent and the parts she stuck around for she made sure to bring the pain. There was always one thing I knew about my mom. She was always gonna choose his side over mine. It didn't matter who he was, she was gonna prefer him to me. Whether it was my father or the flavor of the week my mom always had her priorities in order. Number one on the list has already been covered. Number two? She liked that shaken not stirred. Number three couldn't get up her nose fast enough and I probably ranked with Grace right around number four. Maybe. So I get it.

But I can't shake it. I just hit the floor so fast and when I turned around there was a sword run straight through her and that was it. No more chances. The end. I expected it to hit me, was all prepared for it but no. Lena gave herself up for me. And I'm not sorry about that cause it was about damn time she took care of me, of us.

I get it now, that whole mom instinct. The kind that makes people suddenly able to lift cars off their kids. Maybe I have an advantage in the car lifting department but I get it. There's not really anything I wouldn't do for my kid.

And that's part of why it was so easy to hate Lena. Cause I just couldn't figure it out. Why she would be so shitty to me and my sisters. I didn't get how she could even do that.

Then I think about what I was like a few years ago. Runnin' high on rage and low on sanity wasn't a great look on me. How far would it have gone if Angel hadn't stepped in? What would it have been like if I didn't have superpowers? Maybe I would have looked a little something like Lena.

Can't help it, sometimes I wonder if James was her Mayor Wilkins. Just some guy who paid attention and was nice and available. Somebody to give a shit. Wilkins was always really awesome to me but I'm not stupid. There's no guarantee he would've stayed that way after he turned all Snake Man and got what he wanted. Lucky for me he never wanted kids. And luckier still that Angel was the next guy to step in.

My mom didn't have an Angel. She just had us. Us and a bottle and a head filled with demons to survive on. She didn't have anyone there just to give a shit that she was even still breathing.

So she wasn't perfect or even good but she wanted to be. And I don't care what anyone thinks about it. That's enough for me.

1. Think of the first word that comes to mind when you think of me.
2. Go to http://images.google.com and search for that word.
3. Reply to this post with one of the pictures on the first page of results -- don't tell me the word.
4. Put this in your own blog so that I can do the same.

Life is a Soundtrack
Rules:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie.

( here )


(OOC- I haven't said as much but if anyone wants any of these songs I can upload them from any of the posts.)

Warning: By posting this up you are subjecting yourself to other peoples tastes in music. First rule of Play List is do not get offended by the music people share with you. Your cup of tea is could be someone else's leafy water.
Warning: By posting this up should be willing to seek out the same meme on your friends list and give them some music too!

01. How it works: Place this post up in your journal.
02. Fellow friends list members [and their writers too] are to then in turn comment to your post with music.
03. Said music is shared via an upload that you can download, or a link to lyrics for the connection challenged that reminds them of you.
04. When you comment leave the song title and artist in the subject line so that if someone else thought of the same song they don't have to send it to you again, ;)
05. With enough people and enough variety of songs you should end up with a lovely playlist inspired by those that know you pretty well. [or so you hope]

I'd been avoiding Grace's room for a little only cause I knew that nothin' had changed and Alec was already in there. My memories of what happened last time Grace was in a coma were only all too clear. It's weird, I lost myself for days to the First Slayer but I can still see it all so fucking clearly. First I was in the shower and then I was her, and all I could remember was the fear reflected back in Angel and Harry's eyes. I liked it.

I shook away the memories, and after I had distracted myself by tryin' to comfort Tyler I ended up pacing the hallways at the hospital since Lily woke up. All of those who were gonna recover from their injuries were already awake and the ones who hadn't were already dead. That was, all except for my sister. She was still sound asleep in the ICU and the docs couldn't tell me jack about her or her baby. What's a girl to do besides roam around the wing of the hospital? I peeked in on Molly to make sure she was alright and she was awake and talking to her boyfriend so I didn't stay. I'd also checked in on Cordelia who for some reason was hangin' out with Kennedy, and also Fred, Dawn and Connor who were all recovering. That only left Grace.

The battle was still heavy on my mind as I walked around and looked in on people. My dad was an evil bastard and for as much as I always thought about him, always wanted my dad to just show up one day and rescue me from my psycho of a mom, as much as I wanted to love me I realized that Lena had been right all along. We were better off without him. I wasn't sad about James, no, in fact I was just relieved that he wasn't around destroying my life at every other fucking turn. The problem was that I hadn't actually managed to kill my father, and as far as I knew destroying him was actually impossible. The only thing I'd done was shove him back into the hell where he should have stayed. Somehow I had the feeling I hadn't seen the last of him.

It was my mother that was occupying my mind. My sister had always come down so hard on me for trying to give Lena a second chance, a third chance, a five hundredth chance. I couldn't help it, she was my mom and I just always kept thinkin' she would do the right thing eventually. Towards the end I'd stopped believing in her, probably something I should've done a wicked long time ago. But in the end she proved me right when she threw herself on that sword so that the three of us could could finish what we'd started. I didn't know if she knew that James would refuse to bring her back but I like to think she did know it. I had the feeling James would show up again someday to cause more trouble but I knew that Lena was gone for good this time. I had the feeling wherever she was, she knew it too. Bye Mom.

And through all the shit something maybe good might have come from it all. There was Tyler, obviously. I'd stopped believing in God the minute I caught Father Patrick back in Boston molesting one of the choirboys at church but Tyler almost changed my mind. He was as close to a blessing that I'd ever known. But then there was Serenity, and the truth was I hadn't really had a lot of time to get to know her or to even think about her. She was new in my life and just happened to show up at a time where everything was wicked chaotic. Now that the war was over I'd have the chance to get to know my older sister. What I did know that was even though James had tormented her for years he hadn't really gotten his claws into her, and neither had my mother. That was kinda nice.

I decided to push my thoughts aside and walked into Grace's room where Alec was still standing over her bed with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Hey." I nodded at him.

"Hey."

With a deep sigh I sat down in the hard plastic chair by her bed and looked at her. I knew it was selfish. A lot of good people died today but if my sister would just wake up, if she'd just open her eyes I'd feel like this wasn't all for nothin'. Like we had actually won. I'd feel better about the whole thing if she'd just open her eyes.


(Grace & Alec)

At my signal, unleash hell. -Gladiator

My head was spinning as I stood in the library at school with everyone just standin' around looking at me. Suddenly I was reminded of standing in Buffy's living room, givin' out orders and waiting for people to die. It suddenly occured to me that was exactly what I was doing again. Kinda just wanted to hide behind B, let her take on the whole leader role but they were my family, I felt responsible I guess. Man, times like these almost make me wish I was still evil. At least then things were mostly black and white. I do what I want, when I want.

Serenity and Grace were sitting next to me and B was kinda hovering around a little bit behind me. Harry, Angel and Spike were in the back leaning against the bleachers like the fact that they were in a gym full of slayers made 'em wicked nervous. And then there were the slayers, rows and rows of them lookin' at me, trusting me. Some of 'em were gonna die tonight. Might be me.

"Alright. Here's how it's gonna be. We have to go on foot, cause I get that they seem to know everything that's going on but the less warning we give 'em? The better." I said as I looked at the blueprint of Wolfram and Hart's building that Harry had managed to get.

"Mostly what we're up to is distracting and defending. The spell takes a little while to work but while we're doing it, we don't want demons tryin' to get all up in our grill. Me, Serenity and Grace are gonna go in here." I said, indicating a door around the back through the parking garage where we could take the stairs u to James' office. "James is here and that's where we're gonna do the spell." Hopefully I could hold James off long enough for Grace and Serenity to do the magick type stuff. I got the upper hand with him once though and that was a good sign.

"This is Dom's office. Kennedy and Angel? You guys are probably best going through the front door actually. Just try and be as stealth as you can. Know it's gonna be hard with Harmony sittin' out there but hopefully almost everyone will be gone for the night." Stealth? Kennedy and Angel? The drama princesses of Los Angeles? Yeah, right. But they had a personal score to settle with my aunt and I figure that little extra fire in their bellies are gonna do 'em good. "Whatever you do, don't let her get you in her little magick room of tricks or else it's all gonna be over." I locked onto Kennedy's eyes before I looked up at Angel and moved on quickly. I wasn't much for the speech givin' and I just wanted this night to be over already.

"Aidan's on the other side of the building. So, Lily and Buffy? You guys can get in here and should be able to sneak in through the back door of his office." I was mostly focused on Buffy cause I was nervous about sending Lily in with Aidan. I'd pretty much just found out that Lily had some kinda relationship with my uncle. At this point I couldn't hold it against her, she was good to Tyler and I had stopped being mad at Kennedy about Dom. We'd all made mistakes. Still, I hoped B would keep an eye on my son's girlfriend.

"Lexi and Sophia are probably up in the penthouse. Spike, you and Harry have got the gliders so you should just be able to sail right up through the penthouse windows and jump 'em there." I forced my mouth into a thin line as I looked over at Harry. "Try and chase 'em out of the building cause I got the feeling that if this mojo actually works? We're gonna be in for some serious fireworks." Harry and I were never gonna see eye to eye on Alexia. I'd decided a long time ago I'd rather see my daughter dead and buried than watch a monster walk around in her body but it wasn't really up to me anymore and Harry had made that clear. Now all I could do was trust him to make sure that she never hurt our son.

"Everybody else? We're gonna gather outside, follow Connor. I don't know how far back we're gonna get pushed with this but I figure we're up against some heavyweights and once they figure out what we're up to they're gonna come up swingin' pretty hard. Be prepared for anything and everything." I didn't know what else to say to them and I just looked at Connor and let my mouth twist up into a slight smile. Without him none of this would've even been possible. Thank you

"Uhhh....Faith? What can I do to help?" A voice piped up from the back behind the three vampires and I looked over, surprised to see that Alec had walked in. Hadn't he left town? I kind of wanted to kick his face in but right now I didn't have time and he was a wicked strong ally to have.

"You can help Connor if you can pull your head out of your ass." I smiled at him sarcastically before I looked at everyone else again. "Seth's gonna be here on the radio, so be sure you have one on you before you leave. That way we can stay in contact and if plans change Seth can let everyone know." I couldn't believe I was trusting this job to Molly's geeky little boyfriend but she promised he wouldn't fuck it up so what choice did I have? We obviously couldn't put the kid on the battlefield. He'd get eaten alive.

"That's it, unless anyone's got anything else to say." I said looking around at everyone knowin' this was the last time I was gonna see some of 'em. I figured B would pipe up with some kind of annoying inspiration cheerleader driven speech but she kept her mouth shut surprisingly enough. "Alright." I nodded. "Let's go."

The room erupted into quiet talking and shuffling and moving around. I had started to make a beeline towards Tyler when B suddenly grabbed my arm. Turning around I gave her a quizzical look.

"Don't die." She said to me, echoing the same sentiment from the night that I'd killed Kakistos. Smiling a little bit I nodded at her before I pulled away and headed into the crowd. I'd catch up with my sisters in a minute but for right now I needed to see my son and know that he was gonna be okay. He had to be right? Harry and I had tried to convince him to leave town but he was being stubborn. I couldn't really blame him. I was stubborn too.

He was heading towards the door after Connor when I grabbed him by his arm and pulled him easily back into a hug. Careful not to hurt him I squeezed him tight for a second.

"Don't die."

That's the plan.

Don't die.

#1. Can I go back to school or do you think I should get my GED?
#2. Do these pants make my butt look big?
#3. Hey Cordy, will you do my nails?
#4. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a toosie roll pop?
#5. How do I get accepted into the police academy?
#6. Why can't I just have a normal life and not be a slayer?
#7. Why can't we just cuddle instead?
#8. Can I have just one more hour in solitary confinement?
#9. Why can't we eat vegetables instead?
#10. Can you recommend your favorite book?

Faith Lehane
BtVS

1 question...
1 chance...
1 honest answer...

That's all you get. Ask me one question. Any one question, anything, no matter how crazy it is. An honest answer. No catch.

Well, okay, there's just one. All comments will be screened so your question stays private between you and me, and only you will get to see my answer to your question. But I dare you to repost this and see what people ask you.

My conversation with Caleb was still heavy on my mind as I made my way through LA towards the Hyperion. At least now I thought I knew a little more about Alexia. Tyler was always so tight lipped about her and half of me wondered whether he knew more than he was letting on. Actually, I never stopped wondering that. It was right up there on the list of worries, right next to when is Tyler coming back from New York? He was still calling or texting every night which was a good sign but I made a mental note next time I talked to him to ask him when he and Lily were planning on coming back.

It was nice to be outside in the sunlight. It wasn't full on, almost dusk but closer than I'd been. Lately I was beginning to feel like a vampire myself, only comin' out of my motel room at night and staying inside all day long. With everything that was going on I wasn't taking any chances. I knew they'd find me if they really wanted to but I wasn't gonna make it any easier on them. Although judging from Kennedy? It wasn't me that they were after. James said I was gonna lose everything first and that made me kind've scared about what was comin' next. I know, it's bad. Normally? I don't like admitting when I'm freaked. Not that I would say it out loud even now.

I had a lot of things to do. I had to get over to the school and make sure that everything was alright there. I knew it had to be messed up considering what had happened. Hell, I didn't even know the girls who'd been killed. Not really. But I should have. I should know all of them. I was sure as hell that Kennedy and Spike did. I needed to change that but I wasn't there just yet.

After that I needed to find Serenity and her locket. Not exactly the perfect way to meet your big sister. Unfortunately I was strapped for time and we could leave the touchy feely family reunion stuff until after...what happened. Even though, sometimes it occurred to me that after might not happen. Still, I couldn't help but be curious about her. I'd spent my whole life knowing Grace. Yeah there were a few years in between but mostly? I knew her. I didn't know anything about Serenity. The only thing I did know was that my mom had a weird theme going for names. It didn't seem very Lena at all. Once I had Serenity I was gonna have to bring her and her locket to Grace. If this locket had mojo attached to it at all? I'd need her there.

And after that....well, who the hell knows? I can only plan my moves so far in advance. Right now I just wanted to check in with Harry and Angel. The three of us had been so disconnected for months. I had trouble remembering the last time I'd really even spoken to either one of them. What happened to us? I couldn't explain it, I just wanted to check in with them before anything went down. Besides, I was probably gonna need their help.

It was just before sunset when I was crouched on the roof outside of "the room" formerly known as "the boys only room". I remembered what went down here last and I wasn't real proud of it. In fact, if I had my way this room would probably stay the boys only room. But I knew it was soundproof and probably the safest place we had to hide for a little while. Opening up the window I swung in feet first before closing the window behind me. It was still a little early so they weren't here yet but I could wait.

Walking over to the bed I sat down on it and crossed my legs Indian style as I waited for them to show.


(Open to Angel and Harry)

We need to talk.

I'm not going to kill you tonight, Faith. Your time is almost up, but I think I'd rather watch you lose everything first.

After James' departure his words rang hollow through Faith's ears as she sank down on one of the couches in the main foyer of the school she had been watching over. There was a couch in her office too but everytime she went in there she couldn't help but think of the evening her and Angel had spent in there back when the lines were blurrier and nothing was clear. The truth was, she wasn't sure she could sleep with the storm raging on outside and everything she had learned about her family. It seemed easier to stay focused and play watch dog to the slayers who slept in the dormitories upstairs. She wasn't sure that all of them had made it back to the dorms in time to avoid the snow but she had seen the majority of them before she'd gone to collect James.

Laying her head down she pulled her feet up so she was curled up. She's survived solitary confinement, a dead mom, dying, a husband twice dead, and a daughter once but for some reason the storm makes everything seem lonelier somehow. Like she could reach out into the world and look at six billion souls and not recognize one. Worse, not have one recognize her. The big fight was coming and it weighed down hard on her chest as she tried to do what her prison therapist had taught her. Count tiles on the ceiling. Not only did it kill the boredom but it also had a habit of chasing the shadows away.

1

2

3

4

5

6

7...


She's standing on a bridge a million miles away from the ocean. At least it seems like it's a million miles away, Faith has never been very good at calculating distance unless it's the distance from her stake to a dead heart. The rain is pouring down in sheets, or buckets, or whatever it is the old guys always say at the bar like they're trying to make conversation but really what they're trying to do is get a good look down your shirt. Either way, the drops are heavy and wet and she can feel them plastering dark hair to the back of her neck.

She's not sure why, but she's crying. She almost doesn't recognize it at first, assuming that the wetness on her face is a result of the pouring rain but then catches herself mid sob. Tilting her chin down she can see two people struggling in the water below. It's Alexia. She's barely swimming and another girl is trying to pull her down into the waves.

Without thinking Faith takes a leap off of the bridge. She doesn't care how great the distance is, or how cold the water is as it shocks her system. She's underwater, swimming through an aisle made of jellyfish on either side of her. Deeper and deeper until she sees the light, flickering across the seaweed and fish on the ocean floor. She swims towards it, deeper into the water until she finally reaches the pocket of light. Faith's fists pound against the glass as she watches Tyler and Alexia sitting on a couch, dry and safe inside. The palm of her hands slide closer together, pressed against the window as she watches the two of them laugh. Her mouth opens slightly and bubbles pop up onto the surface as she drowns.

"Mom."

It echoes through her head like the soft tinkle of the music box that Alexia used to play when she was little. The one her father had given her.

"Mom."

Faith's eyes fly open, the sun bright and harsh across her eyelids as she immediately brings her left hand to her forehead to shield her eyes. "Mom." Tyler says again, as Faith fixates on him.

"Mom, what's wrong?" He asks, and there's the distinct sound of fear in his voice as he takes an uncertain step backwards.

Something is happening to Faith. She can smell the fear from her sun, and she hates him, herself for it. She can hear the sound of his heart, at first like a steel drum deep within the sand of the desert but now louder and more insistent.

"Wait," She breathes out, painfully pushing herself to her hands and knees. "Tyler..."

"What are you?"

Faith can't see him anymore but she can hear his voice over the blinding pain. His heart is so loud now it's giving her the world's biggest migraine, splitting her head in two as she tries to block out the sound of it. Her own voice rises louder despite her inner pleas to stay calm, at least for her son. But the pain has intensified, it's not just the pounding in her head anymore. It's traveled down her neck, down the length of her back and into her gut. For a moment she's sure she's going to be ill but the moment passes, the pounding subsides and she looks up to see Tyler gazing up at her in fear. Up at her.

A massive growl rolls out of the wolf's mouth, all the way from her belly as Tyler runs screaming into the desert, just another shadow in the sun.

The wind is at her back, the forest screaming past her as she races deeper into the forest. She's never felt so alive, so connected, so....free. Everything that has bound her, everything she's been taught is gone as if it had never existed before. Just another part of the scenery whipping past her face. She isn't alone for long, in only a few minutes another smaller wolf is running at her side and then another. She recognizes Tyler and Grace easily as family but the other beings in the forest puzzle her. A black woman, surrounded by a tribe of other women. Strong and brave warriors that have survived centuries of assault from demons and humans alike. Vampires, feral and angry and soulless. Their eyes glowing yellow, lighting up a path in the darkness.

And one small girl standing in the middle of the chaos. She raises her bow and arrow, silver and almost glowing in the pale moonlight. The sharp twang of the arrow being released against the bow echoes through the night as all stop to watch it, a sliver of a shadow against the forest's dark and impressive spectrum of color.

Faith feels it pierce her heart, she whimpers and staggers against the dirt until finally she's eye level with the ants.

When she awakes she can still feel it in her heart, a heavy nothingness where the arrow used to be. She's not growling or snarling and she realizes someone is holding her in their lap, against their chest, rocking her back and forth. Tilting her chin up she sees Harry's face right above hers as he holds her close, telling her everything is gonna be okay. His voice is soothing and she closes her eyes for a minute trying to forget everything that ever was or would ever come to be.

"I wanna wake up now." She whispers to him.

Opening her eyes on the sofa, Faith slowly stretches as she glances around the room to make sure she really is at slayer school and not in the desert, or underwater or in some strange forest. Once she's reassured herself she stands up and walks over to the window. The storm is almost over.

The storm is just beginning.

I had to be quiet as hell in the Wolfram and Hart garage. I knew they had all kinds of whacked out gizmos for detecting vamps on the premises but I wasn’t sure where they stood on slayer monitoring. For all I knew they were watching me as I laid on the cold pavement of the parking garage, between two cars with a gun poised carefully on my right shoulder. It was aimed directly at James’ car and the minute the son of a bitch decided to go somewhere I was gonna take him out with about three tranqs that could take out an elephant each. Figured that’s gotta do the trick and if it didn’t? Well, I hadn’t really lost anything. Except for maybe a limb, but I’d only ever made Daddy Dearest angry enough to try and set me on fire. I didn’t think he’d tear my limbs off. Maybe.

I’d been making a lot of progress lately. The girls at school were fucking fierce and they worked their asses off. That was probably a direct result of Kennedy pushin’ them so hard but at least they were workin’ up to their full potential. Although, the idea of me bein’ the nice one? That’s gotta be entertaining someone somewhere.

The truth was, I wasn’t planning on resting until I sent the Partners back to hell where they belonged. Maybe it was impossible, maybe I’d die trying, but at least I would have tried. It was a nice distraction from Alexia’s absence and Harry’s silence. At least Tyler and I were speaking to each other a little bit beyond small talk. That was sort of an improvement. I got why he was upset, I got why everyone was upset. Not everyone had a convenient revenge plot distraction like I did.

I heard the elevator door open and I held my breath, keeping as still as death as I heard two sets of footsteps approaching. Shit. Two footsteps, which meant it wasn’t gonna be my father. Still, I watched and after a few minutes it was my dad who finally showed up, with my mother tagging along right behind him. I bit down on my lip. Should I take them both out? Could be fun to try the drugs on Lena, see what truths she would actually tell. As fun as it might be I knew I needed everything I had for James, I had no idea how much it would take to drug a senior partner.

Still holding my breath I focused so my aim was square in the middle of James’ chest. Pulling the trigger quickly I half expected him to just reach out and snatch the dart like he had the day I tried to actually shoot him. But this time? This time he wasn’t expecting it and the dart embedded itself firmly in his chest. He glanced up and met my eyes and I couldn’t help but think that was exactly where the dart had hit Harry back in the jungle so long ago. I matched his cold look as I pulled the trigger again and again, only getting back up to my feet when he started to sway on his.

Reaching out I grabbed ahold of him before he hit the floor. “You’re lucky I need you right now or else I’d let your head hit the floor I told him as I reached into his coat pocket and grabbed the keys to his whip. Opening the back door of his car I managed to shove him inside before he totally lost consciousness.

Turning back to Lena I leveled an even gaze on her. “I need to borrow him, cool?” I asked, but I didn’t stop to wait for an answer. Instead I climbed into the driver’s seat and was about to pull away from the spot when the passenger’s door opened and my mother climbed in.

“Family field trip, Mom? I always wanted to go to Disney Land but hey this works too.” I smirked at her as I backed the car out of the space and headed out into traffic.

(Lena)

1. When I ran my knife through Deputy Mayor Finch.
2. When I almost strangled Xander to death.
3. That time I tried to fuck B's boyfriend.
4. That time I actually did fuck B's boyfriend.
5. When I tortured Wes nearly to death.
6. The time I told Robin to sit pretty cause I didn't wanna deal with him.
7. When I took Joyce hostage.
8. After I tried to get rid of Angel's soul.
9. The night I elbowed Queen C right in the eye.
10. When I hijacked B's body and took it for a joyride.

I could probably keep goin' forever here....

Faith Lehane
Buffy the Vampire Slayer

1. If You're In Heaven- VAST
2. Enemy- VAST
3. Flames- VAST
4. Touched- VAST
5. I Need To Say Goodbye- VAST
6. That's My Boy- VAST
7. The Last One Alive- VAST
8. Free- VAST
9. Blue- VAST
10. Land of Shame- VAST
11. Song Without a Name- VAST
12. Turquoise- VAST
13. Thrown Away- VAST
14. Don't Take Your Love Away- VAST
15. Lost- VAST
16. Winter in My Heart- VAST
17. Candle- VAST
18. We Will Meet Again- VAST
19. Here- VAST
20. I'm Dying- VAST

The heart is the only broken instrument that works- T.E. Kalem

When I heard Lily walk up the stairs to my son's room I retreated down the hallway so I wouldn't interrupt them. He wouldn't open the door for me but he did for her. The truth was I could have broken the door down if I wanted to, but the truth was, I didn't even bother trying. He needed her right now and if that was what he needed then the only thing I could do was let him have it. I backed all the way up until I was in Alexia's room. It smelled like her, and the scent was overpowering as I looked around at all of her things. Her cds and her laptop and her bed and stuffed animals she had left over from when she was a kid, the picture on the wall of her and Tyler which was now cracked down the middle. My fingers strayed over her iPod and I picked it up absently and looked down at the screen. Coldplay. She was always listening to them.

Opening up the closet doors I stared at her wardrobe for a minute waiting for the tears to come but they didn't, it was like I couldn't cry. Like it wasn't even real. Maybe I was still in Fairytale Hell and none of this was real. Just like Gracie in the street, Lexi wasn't really dead, it was all just another dream. Pushing her clothes aside, I walked in through the opening I'd just made and let my back hit the wall of the closet before I slid to the floor. Staring out through the open closet doors into her room I put headphones on and pressed play.

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew loud drums were banging in my ears and Alexia's bedroom was flooded with sunlight. I was waking up, that was what it felt like. The heavy beat of Muse was jammin' in my ear and I was waking up. This wasn't a dream, the picture was still split, the comforter on her bed was still in disarray, this was real. I hadn't been dreaming.

Pulling the headphones out of my ears I stood up almost too quickly. I thought I was gonna have to stop for a minute but instead I stomped down the hallway to Tyler's room and forced the door open before anyone could see me. I expected to find him and Lily inside but instead I found nothing. "TYLER!" I bellowed out in the hallway before I raced down the stairway still calling his name. I could hear Harry's voice, right before he left us, telling me to take care of our little boy, to protect him. "TYLER!"

It didn't take a genius to figure out what had happened. He'd taken off with Lily. Had they gone to see Alexia? Lily wouldn't let him, would she? She might be young but she was still a slayer, she had to understand that it wasn't safe for Tyler to see Alexia right now, that it was best left to Harry. Although who even knew if that were true considering the way he left.

"No. No. No." I muttered, running a hand over my face and through my hair before I picked my cellphone off the counter and dialed my son's number. His voicemail clicked on before it could even ring and I knew he had it off. "Tyler, I know you're upset but you need to come home. Right. Now. Or at least call me so that I know you're alright."

My heart was racing as I hung up the phone and immediately dialed Lily's number, her voicemail came on too. "Lily, you have exactly one hour to return my son to my house or I am hunting you down. If anything happens to him I'm holdin' you responsible. Do you hear me?!"

The next number I dialed was Alec's. Somewhere in my head I knew that I needed help, like really needed help. Not help tracking down Sophia or my daughter because I knew that Harry was already on that path and he'd made it clear that he would take down anyone who got in his way. I just needed help. But instead I called my sister's boyfriend and waited for his groggy voice to pick up. It was really early. "Alec," I barked out. "Get your ass out of bed."

"Faith, what the hell?"

"Don't what the hell me. Get the fuck out of bed and you find my son, he ran off with his girlfriend. You do your fucking job, Alec!" With that I angrily threw my phone across the room, watching as it hit the wall and shattered into pieces before crashing to the floor.

I was runnin' on autopilot now and I knew it. Part of me wanted to grab an axe and head for Sophia. She might be stronger than me but I was runnin' on pure fury now and I'd have her head within the hour if I wanted it, Harry be damned. I didn't grab an axe, instead I grabbed a more dangerous weapon- my keys. I was burnin' rubber as I peeled out of the driveway. I wanted answers, I wanted them now. I drove kinda like a crazy person on a good day and today was a very fuckin' bad day.

I didn't stop until I had pulled up in the parking garage of Wolfram and Hart. Taking the elevator up I could hear Harmony trying to call my name from her desk but I ignored her.

"MOM!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, ignoring everyone who turned around to stare at me like I was a crazy person. You wanna see crazy? I'll show you crazy. I raced up the stairs and looked around cause I had no clue where they kept dead mothers in this joint. "MOM!"


(Lena....)

1. Your Mom
2. Gumby
3. The Loch Ness Monster
4. Cordelia Chase
5. Big Bird
6. Dawn Summers
7. Giles
8. Angelus
9. Dracula
10. Connor

Faith didn't understand what was happening at first. A redhead that she faintly remembered seeing around the twins at the door, looking for the kids. She didn't think much about it, she just waved her and the next thing she knew she was waking up on the floor with the worst headache she's had in awhile. For a moment she wonders if she was drunk the night before and this was really the worst morning after ever. One glance across the dusty basement at her son chained up and she knows this isn't a hangover. She was tricked and she's not even sure by whom. Then it occurs to her that Tyler is down in the basement but Lexi isn't.

Almost immediately Tyler is so inconsolable that Faith doesn't know what to do. The way his body jerks almost reminds her of the night his visions were so bad that she'd had to go to Aidan to strike a bargain. "Tyler." She starts calmly, her voice gradually rising in pitch at each syllable. "Tyler, what do you see?" She struggles against the chains binding her wrists to the ground but for as hard as she can tug they don't budge and all she can do is pull harder as she hears Alexia screaming for her upstairs. Tyler's screams eventually mix with hers. Do something, Mom. Do something.

"TYLER!"

It's repeating over and over in her head each time she yanks on the chains so hard that they bite into her wrists and she can feel a warm sticky stream of blood flowing down her pinky finger and hitting the floor in misshapen patterns. Leave her alone. Do something, mom. She's choking on it as she pulls as hard as she can. Whatever Tyler's seen in that mysterious brain of his she knows it's not good. Leave her alone. Who was she? The random redhead who knocked on her door, the monster that Faith herself had allowed into her home. The demon that was terrorizing her daughter and her son by default.

Suddenly out of nowhere Faith realizes that the entire house has fallen silent save for her vehement struggles. Slowly she stops and listens carefully, for the sound of anything. She wishes desperately for an ounce of Harry's senses but instead has to settle for her own. It's quiet, too quiet, deathly quiet and she realizes she isn't breathing as she looks around. A quick glance at Tyler shows that he's already given up, that he's just accepted whatever it is that he's seen.

Well, Faith doesn't accept it. Propping one foot up against the wall she pushes with all of her might, throwing all of her weight and strength into working the chains loose from the floor. She can feel sweat and tears mixing with the dust and dirt on her face and she knows that it's too late. It's too fucking late. She's too late. But she doesn't stop, even when it's proven completely hopeless, she keeps working against the chains holding her in place.

You know what the definition of insanity is? It's doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

It might be insane, but she can't stop. The twins were a gift she'd never deserved but now that she had them she absolutely refused to give them up. Her entire life all she'd known was how to be was alone, and the first time she held them was the first time she hadn't felt alone in the world. She wasn't giving up. She needed them.

Her struggles didn't cease until she heard the basement door opening. She paused, froze like a deer in headlights and glanced back over at Tyler who still hadn't moved. She wasn't sure what she expected but Harry wasn't it. She had been hoping for Alexia, had been expecting whatever had attacked them.

And the look in his eyes. She felt like she was staring into the eyes of a ghost. A broken shell of the person/vampire she used to know. In that moment she felt cold gripping her heart. Sophia took....Sophia took..... He didn't need to say the rest, she could see it written plain as day across his handsome weary face.

"No."

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Faith just got back. No. Faith just got her back. They were supposed to be a family. They were supposed to be a lot of things.

"No." Faith said more firmly, shaking her head, refusing to believe him. "Harry, get me out of these things. We're going to get our daughter back."

Life has been pretty busy since I got back from my hell trip. I had to catch up with my family before I could really do anything else. Catching up with the kids was takin' awhile mostly cause they grew up so damn fast. I couldn't believe it was over a year ago that they were born. Life was going by for them faster than I could keep up with and sometimes it just didn't seem fair. Sometimes when I really thought about it I got real worried, worried that time was gonna keep going by way too fast. I wouldn't even be thirty yet and the twins would be dying of old age. I knew I couldn't dwell on it. They were a gift from whoever was retarded enough to think I deserved it and I'd treasure it for as long as I could. After that? Well, I didn't even wanna think about that.

I hadn't seen Connor around since we'd come back and I knew that was to be expected. From what I'd heard his reunion with Cordelia hadn't gone very well. It kinda made me wanna drive over to the beach house and deck her in the face but I knew that would just make things worse so I was stayin' as far from Queen C as possible. Eventually I'd have to go over there and see if I couldn't get B alone for a little while so we could talk strategy but until then? Yeah, not touchin' that one. Maybe I should just call her actually....

Hadn't run into Kennedy again either since our little run in and I was countin' my lucky fucking stars on that one. There was enough to worry about without thinking about how my best friend was diving off the deep end. I knew eventually it was gonna be something I was gonna have to deal with but for now I could ignore it. I wanted to ignore it forever but I knew the problem wasn't gonna go away and the last thing I wanted was for Special K to be workin' against us instead of with us. The problems just got bigger the more I thought about it and I was tired of being on the losing end. Story of my life, right? Well, story ain't over til it's over.

Between all of this reunion stuff I had a lot of time to think too. Think about how far I'd let myself fall off the wagon, how I'd started to lose it big time before I left. That whole crazy....night with Angel and Harry. What the fuck was I thinking? I've done a lot of wicked stupid stuff but that might have been the dumbest. The drugs were makin' me off my fucking rocker but I think a lot of it was me too. I was letting go and I went too far. Maybe I didn't actually murder anyone this time but that didn't stop the path of destruction I left behind me when I disappeared for four months.

I hadn't seen Angel yet but I'd been thinking about him a lot, about all the stuff he's done. I might have gone through a little trip through his mind on Orpheus but I was pretty sure I still didn't have a real picture of his whole life for the last couple centuries. Angel fell off the wagon, so I fell off the wagon. Like I always had to be trailin' along in his footsteps, desperate to prove myself to him. When I came down hard on him it was cause I was comin' down wicked hard on myself. I wasn't sure I could ever make him see that, but hell was kind of like a reset and suddenly I could see him clearly again. Know how hard he tried and how much he cared and maybe this was fucked up talkin' about a vampire but how human he was. He made mistakes just like the rest of us. So now it was up to me to put him back on the right path and then maybe the two of us could help Harry. We were all gonna need to be together on this.

So let's see how he likes it. Tables turned and all that shit. Stalking the stalker. I was perched carefully on the roof as I watched him below in the alleyway. I wasn't sure if Angel ever actually went out fighting anymore but maybe he needed to blow off some steam because he was going to town on some demon in an alleyway in the warehouse district. He was beautiful when he fought, bet he didn't even know it. There was just something about watching him. It wasn't like watchin' B or Kennedy fight. They were all graceful flips and well timed moves. Angel just ripped shit apart with his bare hands. It got a girl's blood pumping in all the right directions.

Once the demon was dead I jumped down from my spot and landed in a crouch before straightening up and looking up at him.

"Hi."

What else could I say?

[locked]

#1. Faith met her father once. Her whole life her mother told her he was dead but it turned out he was rotting away in a jail cell somewhere. When she came face to face with him the first and only time he cried and told her that he was bad. She knows she'll never forget the sound of his voice when he said those words.

#2. She secretly loves the Spice Girls and has for years. She vows to kill anyone who ever gets ahold of her iPod. And sometimes late at night she dances around in her crimefighters to the beat of "Wannabe".

#3. Hidden beneath the black leather and denim there are one or two pink shirts in Faith's dresser.

#4. Sometimes at night Faith has nightmares about Buffy and she knows it's because she thinks about Buffy too much. So before she goes to sleep she tries to think about what Buffy's wearing instead.

#5. When Faith was in prison she met another inmate named Emily. Faith taught Emily about self-preservation and Emily taught Faith about girl on girl sex.

#6. They say there are one hundred ways to kill a man. Faith only knows 13.

#7. Her mother would never let her have a dog or a cat so when Faith was eight, she had a pet rock. She named him Chuck.

#8. She spent so long hating Wesley that now it makes her squirm to look at him now, after all of these years stubbly and toting a shotgun. She's hard up for her watcher in a bad way but she knows all that he'll ever see is the woman who tortured him.

#9. Faith can face a room full of vampires and zombies and demons but the idea of spiders makes her skin crawl.

#10. Faith hated hospitals long before she ever had the chance to be knocked into a coma. One summer when she was young her mother came home drunk and was so violent that Faith was in the hospital for three weeks. Since then she has never set foot in one voluntarily.

Faith Lehane
Buffy the Vampire Slayer